Intended Target

I've been texting a scammer.

It's not like I believe him or anything. But he has been scamming someone close to me. And ticking me off in the process.

He is in love. He cares for her heart. He will never do anything to tear her heart. "I prove to you I am real babe," he writes to me, in sentence patterns screaming this truth:  He is not from San Diego, California.

He is not in the armed forces and on deployment in Afghanistan.

He is not using those iTunes cards sent to him for watching video games because the Army won't allow him access to his money.

The five phones he ordered on his victim's Verizon account are not for an orphanage of 25 children who can't afford phones.

He is not quitting the Army (or is it Navy? It changes.) to come home to marry anyone at a destination wedding in Hawaii.

There is no promised three-carat diamond ring cut in a heart shape.

And the pictures. The obviously cut-and-pasted photographs of his fresh, smiling face, that touch of gray, the exact same in every scene but pasted onto a real soldier's body.

It would be funny if it weren't so awful.

He is a fisherman in a sense, trolling his line out in the sea of women to find vulnerable ones, who are grieving and broken—and just. can't. see.

He is livid that I don't believe he is who he says he is. After going back and forth with him a few times, I have that funny feeling I had when I would engage my two-year-olds in an argument. "Don't get on their same level," the experts warned. "You're sure to lose."

So I remove myself from his level, this person committing crimes right in front of my face, crimes that are hurting someone I love. (I liken what I am experiencing to watching a thug take my grandmother's purse from her hands while I stand a foot away.) I back up a bit and try to disengage. You're not going to win this, I say to myself. So I text scammer-man this truth (after telling him his grammar sucks; the court reporter in me had to defend the English language!), "God sees real you and loves you."

I'm not expecting repentance from him.

But it felt good to speak truth into the situation, truth that is bigger than our lies, light that is brighter than the darkest, most remote places of our hearts.

I don't know whether he heard me. He didn't respond after that. But I heard me.

God sees real me.
God's light reaches into my darkest places, those places where I, too, just. can't. see.
God sees who I pretend to be, who I wish I were versus who I really am.

I don't know whether the words I texted reached Nigeria (or the Navy ship where "Romeo" is serving our country).

But the words reached me. God sees real me.

And loves me.

Leaning In

I tilt. Sometimes in pictures it looks as though I am purposefully tilting my head to show I care or am leaning in towards a person. I just went on a trip to Israel without my husband, who normally would be next to me in pictures, so when I saw pictures of me alone, I was again reminded of how crooked I am.

Wounding words from a friend crossed my mind in the middle of the night this week more than once. She was more of an acquaintance, I suppose, and it was decades ago. "Every time I see you, I want to jerk you to the side to straighten you out," she said, as I made my way to a picnic table in our church's nursery playground area. Her words startled me, the strength of them, the emotion in them.

I explained to her I have scoliosis and had surgery to correct it but that the spinal curve was severe and could only be straightened so much. I spoke with a wobbly voice. I spoke apologetically for apparently causing her so much distress each time she looked at me. My head knew she was inappropriate, but my heart once again felt I was less than OK.

I think I am thinking about this because there are situations and people I would like to, with one swift movement, instantly straighten out, situations and people that aren't what I think they should be. And maybe they are crooked and wrong and less than perfect and not OK.

I just know when I am living in a place of "look how wrong I am," I am also living in a place of "look how wrong you are." Faults in myself and others become a source of irritation. But when I am living in a place of "look how loved I am," I am also living in a place of "look how loved you are."

And that's a better place, a place I want to live from,
a place I want to lean into.

Along the Way

Well, it is Saturday morning again. By what I chose to wear this morning, I can see I am hoping for a "Saturday-ish" day. Jeans that are a bit too baggy and my long-sleeved Subaru shirt made of recycled materials I received for "free" after purchasing my $26,000 car! Chunky, furry slippers cover my feet, and my hair, teeth and face have not yet been combed, brushed, and washed. My diffuser next to me is making bubbling water sounds while shooting up particles of Wild Orange, Lime, Motivate and Elevation essential oils, while the fake fireplace behind me puts on a show of flames accompanied by a strong, constant hum.

Brent is readying himself to go to the Chrysler dealer, where his truck's airbags will be replaced due to a recall. I will soon be on my way with him.

I long to settle into this day, into my life, but I find it challenging. Life is always moving ahead, and I always feel a little behind.

I once noticed on a hiking trail I kept saying to myself, "Why can't I keep up with Brent?" Then I switched it around and said, "Why can't he keep 'back' with me?" as though one of us were wrong for being right where we were on the trail. Often I notice that unsettledness as I navigate my days. I should be faster, I should be slower, I should be anywhere other than where I am now.

Maybe I am supposed to be right here, right now, writing my Saturday Morning reflection in my sloppy clothes.

Even as I type, the letters are on their way to the next word, the next line, the next paragraph. Soon I will be on my way to the auto dealership. Then on my way back. Rivers flow, life flows, nothing is stagnant. I suppose we are always "on the way" to somewhere. Maybe I can accept rather than resist the motion, notice the current, and pay attention to what I see, along the way. Maybe Love carries me--I'm certain it does. And even though Love is taking me places, to the next thing and the next thing, I can be still and unflailing as I rest in its embrace.

Today I will let Love usher me into each moment.

And that sounds like just where I am supposed to be, being still in Love, while Love moves me--along the way.

Diane Mann, 2018

That Summer Day

My workout was finished. Home was ten miles one direction, the beach forty miles the other direction. It was a for-sure-I-need-a-shower day, but the ocean beckoned. So I rushed into Kohl's and bought a floppy hat on clearance to cover my dirty hair and shade my face then drove to Santa Monica.

Traffic was a bit nasty as I inched my way toward the coast, but I paid it no mind. I observed cars, clouds, buildings, and mountains along the way. I played through my car stereo whatever was on my iPhone (unsure of how most of it got there). John Denver accompanied me on the journey, as well as the dad from Fiddler on the Roof, Taylor Swift, and some island-tune-singing person.

I parked in a structure on Second Street and walked to the pier—the packed-with-people-from-everywhere pier. My white woven hat provided protection from the sun but also a sense of anonymity (lest paparazzi were to recognize me!). From the shade of the hat, I peered at the inhabitants of the pier, but didn't give much attention to anyone I saw.  As I walked and noticed what was around me, my attention remained uncaptured by anything in particular. The two different vendors offering to write my name on rice, the seller of VW van magnets, the man offering to tell a joke if you gave him money, whose tattered sign read, “Come on, people! Give me a tip. It's my birthday,” the singing young woman, whose songs I neither liked nor disliked—none occupied much of my mind as the tide of people ushered me toward the pier's end.

Ah, at the end of the pier I stood. The breeze, so cool and strong enough to blow lingering thoughts away, refreshed me. The color of the water—that deep green—ministered to me in ways I didn't understand but in ways I knew I needed. The singer's voice faded to the background, as did the playful laughs of children, the families chatting in various languages. I heard the faint sound of a little girl's voice telling her mommy she saw a seal. I glanced around the teal water below, and there I saw it too. A sweet seal playing in, floating upon, and resting within the love of God—I mean, the ocean. My heart rose with each swell that carried the seal up then down. I sensed his playful, restful, trusting spirit and knew this is why I steered toward the beach that day.

I made my way back to my car, paid a dollar twenty-five for parking, then drove for over two and a half hours to get home. This time country music entertained me while again I noticed cars, buildings, clouds, and mountains. I arrived home and tossed the white hat onto a chair, where it remains. I'm not sure whether I will wear it again. But it served me well, to cover my hair and shade my face so I could go to the beach to see what Love wanted to show me, that summer day.

Diane Mann, 2017

Inescapable Love

Oh, the riches of this day
Your Presence with me, God
(Do you know how much I love that with-me part about You?)

Shine of the sun illuminating 
Warming me, heating 
The land
Melting the last patches
Of winter's stubborn snow
Causing me to try to escape 
Its harsh glare
Hot, scathing sun
A chilling iceberg
When compared
With Your burning Love
Melting stubborn me
Igniting this sometimes frozen heart
To love You
To love me
To love others

Oh, the riches of this day
You 
With me!

Diane Mann, 2013

My Father's Voice

As a little girl, when Sunday School was over, I'd dash to my parents' class, 
reach on my tippy toes to sneak some sugar cubes from their refreshment table then make my way through a jungle of tall people until I finally reached my dad, who would  pick me up with his strong arms. Back then, all the men wore dark-colored suits. Once after searching for a while, I found a pair of legs  I was sure were my father's. Hugging this leg tightly and fully expecting to find the rest of my father attached to it, I looked up only to discover it was not my daddy after all! 

What eventually would lead me to my father was his loud, booming voice. His laughter permeated the room far above that of any other noise, and that inevitably drew me to him.

Even when I became adult with children of my own, I'd hear my father's laugh in the church sanctuary and know he was there, which I always found comforting.

A strong voice, a thundering laugh. A sound that could be heard above the others. That was my father's voice.

Was. I say that because he broke his neck after falling from a roof.  He became completely paralyzed from his neck down and relied on a ventilator to supply his every breath. Being unable to move at all was harsh enough, but for the first two months following his injury, he also could not speak. 

I learned to read lips. Each day that I would enter his hospital room, I was 
able to see him mouth out "I love you" one more time. I read statements such 
as "Unbelievable," "Why?" "I will never move again," but the most memorable 
and important to me was, "I love you." That, followed by a strong kiss on 
my hand from him left me more than grateful for each visit, for each day. My 
dad thought he was useless at times, but he was giving out blessings right 
there from his hospital bed.

Funny. He had no voice, yet I was listening more intently than ever. 
"Dad," I would ask, "are you still the richest man in the world?" (as he 
claimed to be before his accident).

"I am," his lips would mouth silently.

Months later, after therapists had worked much with his equipment,  the day came 
that he was able to speak. With only my mom and a hospital worker 
present, the words he chose were, "Jesus loves me.  This I know."

So many messages are heard by us when we travel dark roads, when tragedy 
threatens to take over our lives. Without a doubt, the "Why me?" creeps in. 
Questions prevail about God's goodness or lack of it. Blaming others, 
blaming self. Messages of our own uselessness and helplessness can cripple 
us inside and leave us believing lies above the truth. 

Through all the times of questioning and doubt, however, there's a father's 
voice in the room. It leads you to Him, the One who will pick you up with 
His strong, welcoming arms. A persistent voice, one that we need to hear 
above all the others, saying, "I love you. This one thing I long for you to know." A 
voice that leads you straight to where you belong. There's no mistaking it. 
It's the voice of your father. Do you hear Him? 

Diane Mann

Morning Journal After Disorienting Dream

I'm following Love
It's calling me on
And Love
Is following me

Look on in wonder
Scratch your head
As I pass by
I won't apologize
Anymore
Not ever again

For choosing to be
And become
Who I'm created
To be --
Simply me
Following Love, Who
Always follows me!

diane mann 2012

I Love You Too (a song)

At Advent I entered into some times with God daily where I became more open to Him as my
Wonderful Counselor
Mighty God
Eternal Father
Prince of Peace
focusing each week on allowing Him to be these to me in new and deeper ways.  The week that God as my Eternal Father was the focus, I was asked to list attributes of a good father, some of which I had been the recipient of from my earthly father and some of which I missed, and to let Christ be that Father He claims to be to me.  The material from which I read asked me to let all that I noticed about God's Eternal Fatherhood be translated into praise.  As I wrote, I became increasingly aware of His adoring-Father love for me that He has shown all along (even when I didn't notice).

And this song came out of my heart (and eventually came out of my mouth and guitar strings!):

I love You too
I love You too
My heart sings out
That I love You
I know You've heard
This song before
You'll recognize the tune
The same song You have sung to me
I'm singing back to You

diane mann 2010

God and I share some sweet times with this tune!  I feel enjoyed as I sing it and find joy in presenting it to Him.  It just represents a lot that I've known in my head to be true of God (that He rejoices over me with singing and that I can love because He first loved me) and am more and more knowing it in my very being and experiencing the truth that I am loved.

The Banner

There's something
That's been hanging
Over my head lately
More and more
It's been getting my attention
At times I look up
And gaze straight at it
Marveling at its presence
In its shadow
Which is somehow made of light
I freely dance
As though not a soul is watching
Yet closer than ever
Someone is watching my soul

When I look inside me
It is there
Even when I'm feeling things
I wish I weren't feeling
Discouragement
Fear
Anger
Despair
There it remains over me, over me
 

It reaches into me
Drapes itself around me
And carpets the ground
Beneath me
Yet somehow is
The ground beneath me

I abide and grow
As slowly I know
In the safety of this place
The works of God
Are wonderful
My expanding heart
Indeed fills with wonder
At the beauty
Of what He's made
And is making
In the world out there
And of me
In here

He beckons me
Lay down my fear
The dread that says
I'll never be
Not ever be
Who I'm made to be
I was made to be
With this banner
Called "Love"
Over me
diane carver mann 2010

Steps

I wrote this years ago to record my fears, gratitude to my husband and hopes that God would see me through the stuck place I was in upon finding out my hepatitis C treatment did not work as the doctors had thought.  I read it again this morning and marvel at the redemptive-ness of God, re-collecting the shattered pieces of me and growing new things in my life from spots of desolation.  Here is a piece of my journey.

Big steps
Little steps
Stepping toward each other
Backing away
Crawling
Running 
Leaping
Lunging
Strolling, barefooted steps
Steep, mountainous steps
Uphill
Downhill
Learning to pace
Stopping to listen
To the Spirit's footsteps
So we could keep walking
In His ways

Arm in arm with my Dad
I stepped eagerly
Toward you
As tears of happiness
Streamed down
Your handsome face
You gasped
And covered your mouth
Because you felt so blessed that God
Chose me to walk
Through life with you
My Dad prayed
Kissed me
Then placed my hand 
In yours
Up the stairs we walked
We knelt in prayer
We sang
Making our pledge
To God and each other
To walk together
In good times
And bad times
In rich times
And poor times
In sickness
And in health
We promised to love 
And cherish each other
Our whole life long

I've just been through
A very painful
Difficult few years
God never left me
But neither did you
You have been so helpful
So kind
So compassionate
Consistent
And considerate
You have driven home
In the middle of the day
When the darkness seemed too dark
For me to take another step alone
Along you came (flashlight in hand -- or on forehead:)
To help me walk through this illness
The treatment
And all that accompanied it

So many appointments
You sat by my side
Having driven from Huntington Beach
To Loma Linda
We laughed because Dr. Hu
Liked you
Your scientific mind
And your A, B, C questions so well
He always patted me and said,
"You be fine.  You will get better.  You have good husband."

I know God deserves the glory
For getting me through
This tough time of my life
But you have my deep gratitude as well
For you have been a vessel of His grace, strength and love
To me

With each step
I'll stay by you, too
I cannot thank you enough
For your sacrificial love

Back up the aisle we walked
Arm in arm
On our wedding day
Our first steps 
As man and wife
Today I walk meekly
Into the medical center
While you park the car
We didn't ask for
Or expect
This to be part of our journey
But it is not our first trial together
Neither will it be our last
You are the one
With whom I want to share
My ecstasy
And my deepest pain

We have walked with
And comforted each other
Through the untimely losses
of both our Dads
They should be here
For us
And to see our children graduate
Develop their gifts
Get married

Well, the results came back
As did my hepatitis
Seeing our grief
The nurse left us alone
In the examining room
To absorb what we had heard
To comfort each other
To cry
Rather than being a painful
Chapter in our lives
To be looked back on
This illness will remain
We will learn to accept it
Though anger, anguish and grief precede
Our learning to live with this burden
God will use it as an instrument of change
Good and great things will stem
From this uninvited invader
Of what we thought
Our lives would look like

God is the author of my life
Of our lives, of our children's lives
Now we look around and say
This is not what we ever wanted
Or asked for
It feels so cruel and harsh
I stomp my feet
Climb in bed
Bury my head under the covers
And say
It just can't be
This is not okay with me
You cry with me
Searching for a way 
To lessen my sorrow

God, right now I want to run
And run and run
But running from You is pointless
For there is nowhere that You aren't!
So even with my childlike tantrums
And my deep fear
Of an unknown future
Help me to do my running
Toward You
Even if I flail in Your arms
Like an obstinate two-year-old
Be patient with me
I just can't take another step
It's scary ahead
And I am afraid

Offer me Your strong
And steady hand
Teach me to believe 
That Your ways
Are really, truly
Higher, better, brighter
Than my ways
It sounds impossible now
But someday let me look back
And see how You became my strength
In weakness
How You became
My light
In darkness
Be, as You have been at other times,
The lifter of my head

I don't want to look back
At the end of my life
And say, I could have had a good life
Had it not been for my illness
Let it not define me
Let being Your daughter define me
Let knowing Your goodness define me
Let a life being yielded to You
Because I'm certain of Your love
Define me
I'm going to need so many reminders
Of Your love and goodness
Along the way
Doubts will arise
But I'll take them to You

This bad news is a chance for me
To say
I wonder how God is going to show
His goodness and grace 
Through this situation
I know He will
As I reach my shaky hand
Toward His strong, steady hand
And walk with Him
Sometimes reluctantly
But hopefully willingly
Step by baby step.

Diane Mann, 2004

Today

Today I loved you
Not like Christ loves you
Today I treated you
Like He never would
Condemnation He serves not

His fingers don't point

At where you're lacking
Or what you should or shouldn't have done

So pure and right is He!
His fountain flows with forgiveness, cleansing, redemption

A gathering back of His loved ones
To Him

"Come, all who are thirsty! 
Come and Drink!"

God has called me to be a vessel

Of healing love and much-needed grace

To His children

To you

Today I saw you through eyes of fear

And offered my anger

My hurt and resentment

Trying to make you feel as though

You've missed the mark

My actions looked nothing like

The life-giving love

That Christ so freely pours on me

And you

How I hope you'll forgive me
As Jesus forgave me
Today

Diane Mann 2010

Exceedingly Perfect

Our 26th wedding anniversary!

Lovely time

At a wonderful hotel

In a beautiful room

I opened the guestbook

To record our stay

And noticed the entry above ours

It read:

"November 9,

We are on our honeymoon!

The room is perfect!

The food, perfect!

The service, perfect!
(Signed) Vivian
P.S.  The groom exceeds perfection!!"

Twenty-six years ago
I, too, was an exclamation-point bride
In awe of my groom
And he of me
Before too long
We tumbled off those unrealistic pedestals
On which we each placed the other
And admittedly have at times been
Exceedingly imperfect
But we have learned
To love
To forgive
To laugh
To view each other not with "love-is-blind" eyes
But through the lens
Of our Savior's gracious love
And no longer expect perfection from each other
(Whew!)
Together we can exclaim
Praise be to You, God
You have been the Rock on which we stand
On  Whom we rely
You have been
Perfectly faithful
Perfectly loving
Perfectly patient
Perfectly good
To us
You and You alone
Exceed perfection!!

Diane Mann 2009

Unequally Yoked -- A New Little Thought

Jesus married down (but never makes me feel that way).

Message Sent

Messages today are very easily sent. This second I could bring up Skype on my computer screen and not only hear and talk with my niece in Hungary; I could see her, as well, and she, me.

My phone is sitting just feet from me. If I grabbed it now, I could press a few buttons, and instantly my daughter, sitting three miles away in her algebra class, would open her phone and read the very words I'd typed from my living room.

This morning I was reading passages about God's love. And I thought about the cross. Yes, the essential important work of redemption was done through Christ's death and resurrection. But the cross also carries with a message from God: "I love you." I know we hear and see evidence of God's love all around us, but nothing proclaims His love as clearly and as loudly as the cross of Christ.

My brother-in-law, once he realized he loved my sister, packed some brown bags with meals and rode his motorcycle in the cold a great distance from western Canada to Chicago, Illinois to let her know of his love for her. I always found that sweet.

And when my dad was paralyzed from the neck down, he could only type using a retainer on the roof of his mouth which had buttons he could click with his tongue. How inspired I was when the first words he typed were "I love you," and we printed the message and gave it to my mom (who still has it on her refrigerator ten years later). He overcame a huge obstacle to send his message.

But no lover has ever traveled nearly as far as Jesus, who left heaven to come to earth, and no one has overcome as great an obstacle as Jesus had to show us the love of the Father, that being our sin! He traveled the distance and removed that which was in the way of the message of His love being delivered to its recipients.

This morning I find myself rejoicing in the love of the Father and thanking Him for his love that found its way to me.

I will continue to receive it, yield to it, wallow in it and let it have its life-changing way in me.

The First Time I Held You

As you are placed in my arms
I must tell you now
I've never been in such awe of the One who ordained life
I keep thinking to myself, What have I done to deserve this precious baby?
God gently whispers back, "It's a gift."

Another thought comes to me as I gaze upon you,
My newborn child
As I realize God has entrusted me to care for
One He loved enough to die for
I'm overwhelmed, knowing I am inadequate for the task
"Depend on me. Count on my grace," I clearly hear Him say.

And I try to hold back the tears as I realize
He gave His only son for me, for you
Then loudly, joyfully He declares, "I love you!"
I guess I really never understood His love
Quite like I do today
The day I received you, my child, my reward, my gift from God.

I just thought you'd like to know what I felt
The first time I held you in my arms.

Diane Mann
1994

There You Are

Yesterday my husband and I celebrated 24 years of marriage. I have become convinced that, while we are indeed blessings to each other, these blessings can be awfully difficult. Our relationship has been at times painstakingly hard yet filled with much that is bountifully good. I liken our home to a laboratory whereby God is making us both molded more and more into the likeness of Christ. What happens in laboratories isn't always pretty, but wonderful things are created there.

This is a poem I wrote years ago when a friend's husband left her. It speaks of being at the end of ourselves with our love for each other. I believe it is at that point we truly learn to love with the love God has given to us.

There you are
The man I gave my heart to
Years ago
We said I do
And knew
That nothing would pull us apart.

There you are
The man I wounded
With sword-sharp words
And careless insults
Pointing out who you were NOT
Instead of magnifying the good in you.

There you are
The man who closed his heart
To me
It didn't happen in a day
Or even overnight
Out of my hurt
I hurt you back
Not even really knowing
You, my strong husband
Were hurt-able.

There you are
Physically here
Yet continents apart
From the woman
To whom you gave your heart
And who offered hers
to you

There you are
But with the slam of a door
Suddenly you aren't
If someone had shredded me
Into a million pieces
I could not experience
Any more pain
Than that which I now know
The anguish
Of your absence
The dissolving
Of a dream
Promises broken
So much I wish I could undo
But time goes forward
Not backward
And together
We destroyed each other
The very people
We vowed to cherish
Above all else

Here I am
With an unexplainable hope
God, who heals hearts
And rebuilds lives
Has sustained me
Through this time
When I think, I'll surely die
He tells me that
No matter what's ahead
For me
Or us
That he will be there
So close
Loving me
Directing me
Comforting me
Seeing me as precious

Here I am
Asking forgiveness
Understanding your reluctance
To trust
To try again
We have failed so much!
I know now
That I expected you
To be God to me
You were to heal my hurts
To know my every need
To make me whole
And inevitably
You could not do that for me
Nor I for you

Here I am
Seeing life
And marriage
As a process
Two people learning
Failing
Forgiving
Growing
Who agree to LEARN to love

It won't be perfect
There are scars
And there will be future struggles
But God will be with us
Loving us
Forgiving us
Teaching us
Pouring His grace on us
He is the only One
Who can put the pieces back together
And grow that once-promised
Forever love
Back into our shattered lives

Here we are
All we have to offer
Is our brokenness
Our sorrow
Our weakness
And regret

There He is
With open arms
His potter's hands
Wanting to lovingly mold us
Into who and how He wants us to be
Both to each other
And to our children
This is His specialty!
He is not shaking a finger
At us
Or looking down
In disdain
He is not surprised
By our inadequacies
But is lovingly willing
To enter into
The darkest corners
Of our self-destructive ways
And there meet us
And mold us
All we must do
Is admit our weakness
And He promises
To be our strength

There He is
Knowing our brokenness
Because He too was broken
In order that we may be whole
Knowing our sinfulness
Because He became sin for us
So that our sins
Would not be counted against us
Knowing our loneliness
Because He died alone
So that we may have fellowship
With Him
And with each other

There you are
Here I am
Above all
There He Is

Diane Mann 2002

Curious, Indeed!

"I found the cabinet I've been looking for!" my friend Sheryl exclaimed to me a few days ago." And guess what? It even has a light in it!" Today I rode with her to a furniture store to pick up her new curio cabinet, a place to display her Precious Moments figurines and various items of beauty and value that she owns.

What does a person display? That which he is wants to hide? Commonplace items? No. He displays that which is precious to him: pictures, heirlooms, objects of meaning, items of value. Look in a person's curio cabinet, and you can find out more about what he values.

In a jewelry store beautiful gems and metals are displayed on blackdrops of black velvet with just the right light shining on them so beautifully that their splendor is brilliantly displayed.

I read in Isaiah that as we trade our ashes for beauty, our mourning for gladness, and our despair for praise, we then display the splendor of God.

Somehow -- and I do mean somehow because it remains a mystery to me -- as we trade the ickiness of our lives for all that God offers us, we become a display of how amazing He is. God puts me on display to show the world His goodness, power, beauty and love. Against the backdrop of the darker times in my life but sitting in the light of Who He is, His glory is revealed.

As He shows Himself to me, He then shows Himself through me. His glory is a revealing of Himself. To me. Through me.

To be cherished by God. Precious to Him. Reflective of Him. Even a way to point others to Him. It's all so curious to me.

Lord, Thank you for the beautiful exchange you offer! My ashes for a crown of beauty, my mourning for Your gladness, my utter despair for Your praise! And the result of it all, bringing You glory. That You would bless me and use me in such a way is so beyond me. Nowhere-near-ordinary You, God, can take what is common and make it into something splendid. Keep doing that in my life as I keep seeking You. I will keep looking to You so that any beauty I display is a reflection of Your magnificence and not something I try to create on my own.

"... and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." Isa 61:3(b), NIV