Betrayal

Oh, Fall
You came
You left
Without my usual adoration
Of brilliant color
My I-can't-hold-it-in
Affection upon sensing
The first sign of your appearing
My usual appreciation
For space created
When one by one
Leaves
In their time
Detach and fall
Barren and blank
You leave the trees
Room for new things to happen
I always say
How I love new things to happen

For your arrival
I ached
Like a lover
Awaiting the homecoming
Of her overseas sailor
Be gone, Summer
I growled
I cannot endure you
One more minute
But seasons
I can neither rush
Nor cause to linger
No matter my desire

Oh, Fall
You came
But took with you
One I love
With the first breeze
She fell away
And none can catch her
Or reattach her to life's branch
Bringing her back
To me
My dreams have tried
To make it seem like
She's here
But I open my eyes
To Winter
Empty Winter

Oh, Fall
How dare you?

Diane Mann 2015

Next Time it Rains

I received good news
Really good news
Balloon-releasing
Jump-up-and-down news
I was cured of hepatitis C!
I had told my mom
Of the preliminary results
Months before --
The chances-are-I'm-cured news
She had cried happy tears
Expressing her joy
But this was final
The treatment had worked
The virus was gone
My blood was clean
As though I never was infected

I wanted to call her
But her funeral was just days before
She was no longer here
A friend said
Talk to her anyway
It will seem as though
She hears

I did
I picked up the phone
And dialed her number
Three tones
A woman's voice
The number you have dialed
Is no longer in service
Please check the number
And dial again
Over and over she said
The same words
As though I hadn't heard
Them the first time
Or the second

Above the recording
I spoke
My sobs chopping the words
Into pieces
Hi, Mom.  I just wanted to tell you
Some Very Good News
The final results are in
I have been declared CURED!
I knew you'd be happy about it
So just had to tell you
I'm talking as though
You can hear me
And I hope you can
Thank you for being happy for me
I spoke as though she heard

It was a sunny day
But to myself I said
Next time it rains
It will be as though
She got the news
And is shedding happy tears
From heaven
Next time it rains
It will be as though
She got the news
It will be as though
I'll know

Diane Mann 2015

Temporary Winner

Separation hurts
death stings
and plays the victor
like a big show-off

There is Life
beyond death
the gap is but a veil
one day to be lifted

Silencing the bully
for good.


Diane Mann, 2015

Glimpse

     In 2010 a dear friend who is also a court reporter sat down with me and my mom, and we interviewed her, recording stories of her life.  One memory she shared was my parents'  having international students from our church to their home twice a year.  She said in the summer over 100 people would gather in their home and back yard for homemade ice cream.  But, she said, in December everyone would have to be inside, so they had only 60 over for dinner -- emphasis on the words 

"only 60"!  

     My mom was a gatherer of people -- and a party animal.  The past few years she invited friends over for themed parties.  For example, she gave a chocolate-themed party, where the film "Chocolat" was shown,  followed by a Bible lesson about grace.  A luscious dessert was shared while everyone sat at a table decorated in all things chocolate.  Each guest went home with chocolate cake mixes, frosting and wooden spoons as a party gift.  Before she died, she was planning a "Frozen" party and was quite excited about it.

     One day in February I stopped by her home while she was preparing for a "Breakfast at Tiffany's" party.  I was taken to see the joy and focus my mom had as she set her beautiful table.  It was a holy moment as I looked on, observing her living from who and how God made her to be.  I took this picture when I was there.

     "Mom," I said,  "surely you will be a table setter in heaven!"  And I've thought since then that she can't visit sick people in heaven, as she loved to do, so surely this will be one way she serves God there.

     This past week, living through the shock and pain of my mom's death, I've realized just like life is the opposite of death, gathering is the opposite of separation.  For now we are separated from the ones we so deeply love who have died.  But one day we will be called to gather at a huge feast given by Jesus, around a table where there's room for everyone.  We will look at each other across the table with no defenses, no grudges, no tears, no pain -- only joy, food and drink, a time where we will be truly free to give love as generously as God gives it to us.

And if there is sparkly confetti on the table, I'm pretty sure God let my mom put it there.

Diane Mann

October, 2015