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| My Gratitude Journal in Momento App. |
I lacked gratitude.
Certainly in my head I knew that God had given me much, but I didn't experience thankfulness in my heart, my very being, toward God for all His gifts to me. Neither did I spend much time or effort giving thanks to all-giving God. Habitually, every day for as long as I can remember, I have prayed a prayer of thanks for each of my children and my husband, now including my son- and daughters-in-law and grandchildren. But for quite a long time, that was where my giving of thanks began and ended.
How I longed to be changed in this area, for God's Spirit to remake my ungrateful heart into something new, a heart that was receptive to and recognized all it had received and a heart that in response to God's generosity returned often to say, "Thank you." I desired to be like the newly cleansed leper, who "fell on his face at Jesus' feet, giving him thanks." Honestly, though, I just didn't see how this could happen. I knew on my own strength I could not just "become grateful." It's impossible for me to change me!
It was then God invited me to meet with Him in the discipline of gratitude.
When I use the word "discipline" here, I must clarify that "disciplined" is not a word that typically describes me, and that in itself is an understatement! My husband used to joke that the only thing I did consistently was to drink a Diet Coke every day. And at the time, he was right. But when I look at discipline as a time of being discipled, or taught, by Christ, a time when He invites me to sit down with Him so that He can teach me gratitude, I am drawn to respond by entering into this adventure with Him. I am not coming to Him with my heart just as it should be but rather just as it is -- sometimes thank-less, sometimes thank-some and other times thank-full!
"Thank-less" would entail those times when I come to Him totally grumpy and grumbling, bringing my complaints before Him and cannot find anything for which to give thanks. I have an old journal from several years back wherein I recorded some struggling times, and in the margins I listed five things a day that I titled "Five things that I can stand about my life." It later became "Five things that are okay about my life" then led to my desire to begin a gratitude list.
"Thank-some" is how I describe the things for which I am ready to say, "Thank you," but there's a huge concern attached to the giving of thanks. For example, "Thank you so much for my job," and I really want to end there but continue, "but God, help me to get my transcripts completed," the emphasis being mainly on the concern on my heart.
And "thank-full" applies, of course, to those times where God's generosity is so evident to me that my natural response gushing forth with no effort is, "Thank you!"
I am learning that I needn't come thank-full in order to say, "Thank you," and that mysteriously in this encounter God has changed and is changing this previously not-so-grateful heart of mine. I learn much about the heart of Jesus by experiencing His welcome of me, that acceptance of me just as I am, not as I wish I were.
Whatever condition I'm in when I sit down with Christ during this time to which He's invited me to "reason together" He and I, to learn from Him, to allow Him to change me -- whether thank-less, thank-some or thank-full -- I let Jesus lead the time by asking Him to review the day with me and to show me what His gifts were to me from the day before (though some people may do this at the end of a day, looking over that day). I then list the things for which I'd like to say, "Thank you," then thank Him for each one and sit for a few minutes in gratitude, a pretty special time between Jesus and me.
Think of December 26, that day after Christmas when the gifts have all been opened, all still lying around to be enjoyed, delighted in, relished. That's what this time is like: an opportunity to look at the gifts from the previous day. What was unwrapped yesterday? What was revealed about me? about God? What did He give to me that I may have failed to notice? What beauty made my heart skip? What may have touched me in a deep way?
Two years after having begun the gratitude journal, my list has grown to include 573 entries. My engineer hubby calculated this to equal 1.27 entries per day, and my goal was three per day. Some days I simply print in the margins of my journal and don't assign a number to those things for which I'm grateful. And many days I don't "show up" at all. Regardless of my not-so-glittering performance, Jesus with patience and kindness keeps extending that invitation to spend time with Him in this way. Best of all, He continues to change me in the process.
And for that, I am extremely thank-full!
Diane Mann, 2013
Some Questions to Ponder:
What has your journey with gratitude been like?
Are you willing to enter into a "discipline" at which you may sometimes fail?
Is it easy for you to come to Jesus just as you are, or do you tend to wait until you feel your heart is where it should be before you come to Him?
Is Jesus asking you to spend some time learning gratitude? If so, together decide how this time would look.
You may want to spend time reading Luke 17:11-19 about the cleansing of the lepers and the one who returned to say, "Thank you." What does this Scripture cause you to want to pray?
