Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Search Me, Oh God

I admit it. I'm a Google addict. In fact, I keep googling my own name and coming up with no hits, which is what inspired me to start my own blog. Now when I type in my name, something will come up, and I'll feel suddenly more significant. In fact, I'm sure I'll try it once I've written this.

Last week my husband found a tick embedded into his abdomen and frantically asked me to google "How to remove a tick."

Other googled subjects of mine have been:

side effects of antidepressants
cure for hepatitis C
how to lay Pergo
what does a hemorrhoid look like? (disturbing images I couldn't get out of my mind until I looked up tick removal)
A.D.D. testing
"I saw Richard Gere's house in Hacienda Heights"
tickets for American Idol
Kelley Pickler - breast augmentation (others had googled it too, 19,367, to be exact, and only 8 surveyed said they were real)
how to candy pecans
spiritual direction
words to "Like a Dead Snake in the Middle of the Road" (yes, kids, it really was a song; told you so!)

And on the list goes, my latest being "make your own blog."

A famous Psalm says, "Search me, Oh, God, and know my heart." God googles too! He searches out our hearts and knows us more fully than we know ourselves. Each detail, each thought and feeling. He knows what we are holding onto, letting go of, striving toward, wrestling with. Hmmm. Come to think of it, if He googled "Diane is anxious about," what would come up?

losing the last 10 pounds (but not letting it be that important)
the parent she hasn't been and its effects on her children
finishing her home
getting more court reporting jobs
being used by God
developing her writing
her mind feeling like confetti
what she'll wear on Easter
can this marriage be saved?
what if she never ________
what if her husband never _______
does God care whether she drinks Diet Coke, or not?
oh, will she ever write wonderful things again?
what will her blood test results be?
will she ever remove the tub of Legos from her closet? (the son who played with them just got married)
keep the shirts she bought at Kohl's or take them back? or take just some of them back?

My worries are many indeed. But if I were to Google "Burdens God is willing to carry," the hits would be infinite. "Ways God shows He loves me," unending. "What separates me from Christ's love?" Oh, look. Search has found ZERO results.

Lord, God, how wonderful it is to be thoroughly known by you. You are the only one capable of bearing my burdens and cares. Let me search Your heart and your ways and keep giving you complete access to my heart as well.

Forever yours, my Maker,
Diane (Looks like I can't google myself after all; I don't want to put my last name in here:)