What I Learned on My Face

It's not about who I am or what I can or cannot do.
But it is about Who GOD is and What HE can do.
It's not about my insufficiency.
But it is ALL about HIS sufficiency.

His grace is indeed enough!
When I am weak
I become strong
In Him.

There You Are

Yesterday my husband and I celebrated 24 years of marriage. I have become convinced that, while we are indeed blessings to each other, these blessings can be awfully difficult. Our relationship has been at times painstakingly hard yet filled with much that is bountifully good. I liken our home to a laboratory whereby God is making us both molded more and more into the likeness of Christ. What happens in laboratories isn't always pretty, but wonderful things are created there.

This is a poem I wrote years ago when a friend's husband left her. It speaks of being at the end of ourselves with our love for each other. I believe it is at that point we truly learn to love with the love God has given to us.

There you are
The man I gave my heart to
Years ago
We said I do
And knew
That nothing would pull us apart.

There you are
The man I wounded
With sword-sharp words
And careless insults
Pointing out who you were NOT
Instead of magnifying the good in you.

There you are
The man who closed his heart
To me
It didn't happen in a day
Or even overnight
Out of my hurt
I hurt you back
Not even really knowing
You, my strong husband
Were hurt-able.

There you are
Physically here
Yet continents apart
From the woman
To whom you gave your heart
And who offered hers
to you

There you are
But with the slam of a door
Suddenly you aren't
If someone had shredded me
Into a million pieces
I could not experience
Any more pain
Than that which I now know
The anguish
Of your absence
The dissolving
Of a dream
Promises broken
So much I wish I could undo
But time goes forward
Not backward
And together
We destroyed each other
The very people
We vowed to cherish
Above all else

Here I am
With an unexplainable hope
God, who heals hearts
And rebuilds lives
Has sustained me
Through this time
When I think, I'll surely die
He tells me that
No matter what's ahead
For me
Or us
That he will be there
So close
Loving me
Directing me
Comforting me
Seeing me as precious

Here I am
Asking forgiveness
Understanding your reluctance
To trust
To try again
We have failed so much!
I know now
That I expected you
To be God to me
You were to heal my hurts
To know my every need
To make me whole
And inevitably
You could not do that for me
Nor I for you

Here I am
Seeing life
And marriage
As a process
Two people learning
Failing
Forgiving
Growing
Who agree to LEARN to love

It won't be perfect
There are scars
And there will be future struggles
But God will be with us
Loving us
Forgiving us
Teaching us
Pouring His grace on us
He is the only One
Who can put the pieces back together
And grow that once-promised
Forever love
Back into our shattered lives

Here we are
All we have to offer
Is our brokenness
Our sorrow
Our weakness
And regret

There He is
With open arms
His potter's hands
Wanting to lovingly mold us
Into who and how He wants us to be
Both to each other
And to our children
This is His specialty!
He is not shaking a finger
At us
Or looking down
In disdain
He is not surprised
By our inadequacies
But is lovingly willing
To enter into
The darkest corners
Of our self-destructive ways
And there meet us
And mold us
All we must do
Is admit our weakness
And He promises
To be our strength

There He is
Knowing our brokenness
Because He too was broken
In order that we may be whole
Knowing our sinfulness
Because He became sin for us
So that our sins
Would not be counted against us
Knowing our loneliness
Because He died alone
So that we may have fellowship
With Him
And with each other

There you are
Here I am
Above all
There He Is

Diane Mann 2002

Premature Conclusions

"How did their kids turn out?" we hear people ask. "My child turned out..." we'll report. These conclusions about the children's character really emerge as the offspring become 18 years of age or graduate from high school. I have seen parents so completely discouraged and bereft because of how their children "came out." (And I do not mean to make light of the real heartache parents experience as we watch our children struggle). I find it laughable, however, that such final judgment is declared when these young people are not even a fifth through their lives and only at the threshold of their adult lives and accepting responsibility for themselves.

Does anyone really know how they, themselves, "turned out" as of yet?

Conclusions. There is such a finality to them. I reach them about others, and I reach them about myself. Neither takes into account a dynamic, involved, powerful God who, by His Spirit, is in the business of transforming lives.

I've heard it said that we are to withhold judgment. Another way I am viewing this with regard to spiritual transformation is, "Don't come to a conclusion about yourself or others." Conclude that God's mercies will continue to be new every morning. Conclude that He is molding you more and more into the image of Christ as you yield yourself to Him. Conclude that nothing is too hard for the Lord. But do not look at yourself or other believers and say it is finished! Nothing could be more discouraging or untrue. And we all know that how we live stems from what we believe.

The word "conclusion" stems from Latin "conclusio," which means "closed." If I say the matter is settled regarding God changing me, I am saying my limitless, infinite creator is limited! And I'm essentially lowering the gavel (that I was never intended to hold) and declaring, "Case closed!"


Oh, Lord God, I am only beginning to see your transforming power in my life. How miraculous are your mercies that refresh me each day and give me hope of Christ becoming more and more evident, guiding, comforting, loving and making a new creature out of me. If there is anything I am sure of, let it be You, in me, the hope of glory. May I each moment wait expectantly on You to be so very present and open myself always to You.

IN CONCLUSION: I can't wait to see how I and those I love are going to turn out! I have a feeling we'll all look a lot more like Jesus than we do now!

Appreciating Structure (Renamed later: A Place to Shine)

Oh, even the title sounds boring! By nature I am carefree, spontaneous and creative. I feel squelched at the thought of writing my life's plans down on a calendar, and clocks and I -- well, you could say we really tick each other off! God has, these past couple of years, however, introduced me to both the need for structure in my life and the desirability of structure.

I have many examples He has provided me along the way, but here's the most recent: I was watching a jewelry channel in the middle of the night (volume down, just watching the pretty jewels go by to get myself back to sleep), when the seller began to display just the settings of jewelry. One after another, some not-so-pretty items were pictured, rings with settings but no stones, the framework but none of the glorious beauty of gems.

"That is structure," I said! The setting itself is not magnificent, but it provides a platform on which to secure the jewel so that it may rest there, that it may be safe in that place and that it may shine forth its beauty. And that's what structure can do for me: Grant me rest, provide me safety and give my creativity a place to shine.

This is a long, difficult road, the learning to better structure myself -- my time, my money, my belongings. Gradually, though, God is bringing about changes in me. With gentleness and creativity (thank You, God), He is making what I once ran from something I am beginning to desire.

And only He could do that!