Jealousy - (of Dave, who got to sit where CS Lewis sat and what God told him there)

"You belong here,"
You told him
"You're one of them,"
As he sat
In the seats
In the very room
Where great writers
Once sat.
"No fair," I quip.
"I want You to
Confer upon me
The identity of
Being a writer,
A thinker,
An expresser
Of great truths!"
I'm happy for him
On the outside
But growl inside
Longing
For You, God
To tell me
Who I am
What gift I can
Offer You --
Offer to others.
Yet I know
Somewhere deep down
I've always known
I too am
Called to write.

Break the dam
In me
Father God!
I resist
Because I feel
Inadequate
Let the words
Flow
Like the river before me
Flows
Unhindered by fear
Pulsing with
Movement
Generated by
The power of
Your Love.
I'm tired of
Stubbornly
Refusing to be
Who I'm made
To be!
I don't know quite how
To receive the gift
Don't trust myself to
Use the gift
Work with me
Patient Teacher.

Diane Mann, 2012